Sad, Lonely, confused, depressed???
I haven't posted anything in a while, Everything has been ok, We have had a lot of things happen over the last year and a half, good things ,bad things, scary things, exciting things, and some things I'm just not sure about!
I'm sitting here today.. and I'm just not sure what has happened in my life, I am very confused about how things have turned out! Ive always tried to be the best mother I possibly could maybe I have even tried and done to much, and I sit here today with 2 out of 3 children talking to me like I am dirt, calling me a liar, walking out and just leaving, I'm hurt.. I just wish they understood how much I really love them and that every breath I breath is for them in one way or another. I don't make any decision without thinking of them first. I guess I'm writing this because I really dont have any one to talk to about this, so this is my venting! Maybe no one will read it! I love my girls with all my heart and I would do anything for them I just hope when they are mothers someday they will understand, and maybe I just need to try a little tough love??? still very confused on how MY children could be so miserable, Ive honestly tried my best!
Then comes my marriage,
Thought this was my fairytale at last, but with all fairytales they arent really real are they??
Im not so sure my marriage is bad, good, or anything in between, I am just not sure and that cant be good at all! I love him very much, but does he love me? I think maybe I am just the kind of person that pushes people away? It was so good and now its so ??????? I really just wish there was some way to know, I will have to pray about it and hope its meant to be and gets better!
I have been very sick in different ways, always in pain, they call it fybromyalgia, but what is it really... it hurts, it causes depression it makes my life hard to deal with.... makes it hard to even get up in the morning, maybe thats why my kids hate me, my husband doesnt have time for me, and I dont ever want to leave my home??
I think maybe I am too sensitive, I think maybe I need a friend, Im not sure what I really need but I know something has got to change, I cant go on like this!
Sorry to anyone that reads this, it was really just meant for me!
Love you my girls, you are my angels, the light of my life, and I will always love all of you no matter what!!
